Ties And Companion

Shanghai's spring is unusually fleeting, as if since last summer, life has transformed into an uninterrupted, intense journey. During this journey, I have penned numerous writings, articulating my current thoughts on life and my concern for another individual. It all feels like a hurried dream, leaving no time to pause and reflect on my own thoughts. In those moments, there was an overwhelming urge to immediately express everything that needed to be said and to strive to fulfill all unaccomplished tasks, as if following a scripted arrangement. I struggle to comprehend why there was a sense of drifting along with the current, where the person in that scene seemed destined to act in a certain way, concealing their vulnerability, expressing their passion, and maintaining authenticity proved to be a challenging endeavor.

Recently, I finished reading Sally Rooney's "Normal People," which recounts the story of Connell and Marianne, mirroring the intimate relationships that many of us perceive and experience in our current times. Of course, through long-term life experiences, beyond romantic partners, in friendships and family interactions, one often encounters an unbridgeable distance and mutual misunderstandings. I contemplate that if one is genuinely seeking a deeper intimacy, perhaps more often than not, one should proactively communicate and honestly express their doubts and sorrows. However, making the other party aware, hearing, and feeling these emotions seems arduous, as retreating into one's own world remains a safer option.

At times, it's unclear what it truly means to have deeply loved someone. It seems that genuine love often eludes proximity and direct confrontation, unable to be conveyed and heard through mere words. It frequently resides in quiet moments, within the songs heard through earphones, during the drive home, or upon waking up to face a new day. In silent yearning, one can sense their thoughts directed towards someone, pondering how to express themselves in a way more acceptable to the other, how to communicate to draw closer. Yet gradually, one begins to contemplate: how to quietly depart while still preserving the pleasant memories within the relationship.

Presently, memories of past days seem vividly preserved in some corner, though one requires some time away and rest. Travel is like this, filled with numerous uncertain factors. But regardless of whether one chooses to linger at a certain place or not, having sincerely invested and created some unforgettable memories might allow for a more effortless release of the past and embrace the forthcoming life.

It has been quite some time since I last took photographs, as life's events have surged towards me one after another. Each day's routine feels like mechanically filling out a sign-in sheet. While it seems every day offers an opportunity for a fresh start, I hope to end this state of inertia.

As I write this article, I am listening to Dire Straits' "Tunnel of Love."